


Dreams

by JuniorWoofles



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, First Kiss, Hint of Angst, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 09:44:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6149518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuniorWoofles/pseuds/JuniorWoofles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU where you meet your soulmate in a dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Figures

**Author's Note:**

> This was written and originally posted around 2013 but was added to my archive page in 2016 (hence the dates of the fic).

_Morgana reached out her hands. She was almost there. She was convinced she would be able to reach the strange figure this time. She reached out her hands, itching closer and closer towards the dream man…_

She woke up with a jolt, her hands falling to her sides limply. Without realising why; a single tear fell down her porcelain check. It would simply irritate her if anyone told her how beautiful she looked at times, but sometimes it didn’t hurt people to know the truth.

Morgana sat on her bed, wrapping her hands around herself, slowly cradling herself like a baby. A poor, fragile baby that can’t get something; even though it knows that whatever it is, they want it. Morgana had been plagued by theses dreams for the past few weeks. Every time getting closer to see the mysterious figure’s face; But she always woke up too early to see it. It was frustrating her and she didn’t have a choice but to let these dreams continue in the hope that one day she might find out who it is that her heart must truly love.

That after all was the only explanation to Morgana. That if she was having the same dream about the same person, night after night, and then in her heart she must love this person truly.

Rocking herself back to sleep, Morgana was focusing too much on seeing the dream that it never came. Eventually she fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

*

Gwen knocked on the door, and then came in and opened the drapes on Morgana’s windows, letting the sunlight stream in.

“Good morning milady. The King requests your presence at the Throne Room in an hour so we must get you up and ready…”

Gwen seemed to tail off as Morgana sighed. This dream was annoying her. She was desperate to find out who she loved, and was getting impatient. Slumped back on her pillows, twirling her hair as Gwen prepared clothes, Morgana thought of all around her who she loved. She respected Uther as a King, and was gracious as his ward, but the love was strained there slightly after all her younger years. Arthur she thought was boisterous, lazy and rude, but she had begun to love him as a brother after many years. Gwen, she loved as a close friend and maid. Arthur’s manservant had only been here a short while, a few months in fact, and Morgana couldn’t remember much about him. Didn’t he have curly hair and a weird chin? Or was he the one with the sleazy voice, that was too over-the-top with everything? Wasn’t he the one that had tried to impress her? Morgana shuddered at the memory.

So that couldn’t be him. Morgana remembered that Arthur had another servant. How many did one man need? Morgana was quite content with Gwen; she had grown to trust her a lot. Maybe Arthur needed to gain more patience. Morgana smirked to herself and tried to think of who his newest ‘manservant’ was. Morgana thought that it was a ridiculous name. A stupid name, that to Arthur literally meant slave. That poor boy, whoever he was, would be at his beck and call for hours, to only get a few seconds realise before Arthur was hungry or bored again. He was simply put, a large, spoiled pig of a prince.

Morgana gazed out her window and remembered that Arthur had changed since they were young, and that someday he would make a great king. Such views nowadays would get her in more trouble than when she was 10 or something.

While looking out of her window, Morgana spotted someone she had never seen before. She got up out of bed and went over to get a proper view. A boy with dark hair, simple peasant clothes and a scarf thing. Morgana knew she must have seen him somewhere before but she just couldn’t place him.

As she walked over to get changed and ready for her day she turned to Gwen. As she slipped her deep purple dress over her head she asked her maid a question that had been puzzling her since leaving her window.

“Gwen, do you know how that new boy with the dark hair is? I don’t remember seeing him around here before.”

 


	2. Flower

Merlin woke up to find that a bead of sweat was clinging to his forehead.  It didn’t become clear to the young warlock why, not even after a few moments of thought. In the end he assumed that he’d had some sort of dream. That’s normally why people wake up in cold sweats and can’t remember.

                In the knowledge that he’d had some weird dream, He got up and changed, ready to be at beck and call all day. Arthur really was a spoiled pig at times.

                Lumbering down the stairs with sleep clinging to his eyelids Merlin was greeted by Gaius. Merlin just yawned and waved his hand in front of his head. It must have been some hell of a dream; he was all out of sorts in the aftermath. He slumped into his seat and began playing with the bowl in front of him. His mouth didn’t seem to want to open, not for food or speech. There was some small thing in Merlin’s head telling him that the dream must have meant something as he had never woken up sweating like that before. In his heart he knew it a good dream, and that he would have to dream it again to piece everything together. He knew there was a shape in the dream, (but he just couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried), work out who the figure could have been.

*

Merlin just couldn’t concentrate on anything. It was barely a few hours passed since Arthur had woken up and Merlin had been shouted at 4, 5 times already. Merlin didn’t know what the dream was, even after putting more concentration on the figure than Arthur. Eventually, Arthur decided to hang out with some knights and leave Merlin for a few hours. Arthur was extremely annoyed as he had a manservant for a reason, not just for Merlin to stand there while he had to do everything for himself. He was a prince, and to his mind, was far too good to be dressing himself.

                Merlin took the hour off to his advantage and was soon strolling through the forests next to Camelot. Gaius had sent him to find a couple of herbs, but it was a relatively easy task and didn’t require Merlin to have much concentration.  While looking in the undergrowth of the herbs, Merlin spotted a beautiful flower. Sprung out of nowhere but somehow looking so settled in the dark moss of the grass. He knew immediately who it reminded him of. In a way the flower was Morgana.

                So strong and graceful, simple and beautiful, open and closed and looking so at home in a place where it didn’t look like it was entirely suited for. Merlin knew her story and the flower was her. It was the best representation of her beauty he had ever seen.

                Merlin sat down and rested his head against the back of the tree. Why was he suddenly so obsessed with flowers that looked like Morgana? She was still the King’s ward, still the same person that she had been yesterday, so what had changed? Nothing that Merlin could think of, well nothing so big that would what him to take the flower to Morgana’s room so she could see just how others viewed her.

                Merlin shook his head and breathed deeply a few times. The scent of flowers in the spring filled his nostril and some sweeter smell that smelled like spicy honey. He recognised the smell from somewhere in the castle and hung his head when he realised that the flower even smelled like Morgana. How did he even know what she smelled like? He’d only been here for a short while and he knew what she smelled like.

                Shaking his head he made up his mind. He collected the last of the herbs that Gaius wanted and headed back off to the castle. Dropping the herbs off he rushed back out to the same part of the forest, worried that anyone else would have found his Morgana flower.

                Merlin ran past trees and skidded to a halt when he smelt the spicy honey like smell again. He turned round to see the flower standing there, tall and proud, but at the same time hiding secret woes that no one would know. Merlin stared at the flower and wondered how best to get the flower up to Morgana without destroying it. He knew he wanted to make it look as spectacular as it did know but all of a sudden he didn’t want her to know who it was from. He would make it a surprise, but how?

                Staring at the flower, and then at the castle and back again, Merlin saw Gwen in the corner of his eye. He called her over and she came, blushing and smiling in her sweet, natural way that she always did. She was Morgana’s maid so would have access to her chambers to plant the flower in pride of place. She may even know how to position it so that the sun hit it and made it glow like fire.

                “Hey Gwen could you do me a favour. See this flower there? Is there any way you could help me get it out of the ground in one piece?”

                “Of course I can help you. But why do you need that particular flower? Is there someone you want to give it to?”

                “Funny you should ask.”

*

Morgana looked out her window. It was becoming a fast favourite spot for her to stand. She like standing there, getting the warmth of the sun without the heat ruining her complexion. Without nothing much to do all day, Morgana had become increasingly more concerned with her appearance; especially when Uther announced a feast or some entertainment.

                Staring out into the court she noticed Gwen and Merlin come in through the gate. He looked slightly worried, but so happy, a wide smile stretched across his face. Gwen looked ecstatic and was caring the most beautiful flower that Morgana had ever seen. It took her a few seconds but soon she had reached her conclusion. Merlin loved Gwen. And by the looks of what she had just witnessed she loved him back.

                This was so sweet, so cute, and so wrong? Why was her heart saying no? This was a valid idea, facts and faces to back it up and yet her heart was refusing her head to get ahead of this and say that they were. But stupid heart, Morgana thought, if he doesn’t love Gwen then who does he love?

*

When Morgana returned from dinner she was so surprise to see the flower that Gwen was holding earlier.  Without thinking, Morgana realised exactly who that flower was. It was her. Open and secretive, not exactly perfect at the edges and absolutely one of a kind. There had never been a flower like this seen in Camelot before so why had Gwen had it earlier? And what did this have to do with Merlin?


	3. Fantasies

_Morgana reached out in her dream. This time she knew that she would reach the figure. She reached out as usual and for the first time she reached the man. She stroked his face and stared right into the eyes. The eyes; she had seen those eyes before, and quite recently too._

_“Mer…?”_

*

Morgana woke up, smiling and free. She knew. Her heart was safe in the knowledge that she knew all that she had worried about knowing. Then it hit her; she loved a simple manservant. She wanted to cry in despair that they could never be together.

                Maybe it might lessen her burden if she could kid herself that he didn’t feel the same way. But as she gazed up she saw the flower. Suddenly everything was clear. He loved her and she loved him and there was nothing either of them could do about it. The meaning of the flower was crystal clear; he had found the perfect representation of her. Morgana hadn’t even noticed just how much the flower was a kin to her every move until this morning.

                It was still the blackest dark of night and Morgana still felt drowsy so she decided to try and sleep again. She smiled inwardly as she hoped that her dream would continue.

*

Merlin cried in his sleep. Not normally, but this wasn’t normally. Normally he didn’t realise he was in love in his sleep. Normally he just slept and then woke up again. But today a silent tear of pure joy slid down his face and he slept on, oblivious.

_He was there. With the girl, the girl of his dreams. He knew exactly who she was and in his heart he knew he was blind for not seeing this coming. He was absorbed in the dream, never wanting to wake up again. She was in his arms and he had never felt happier. It felt right to have Morgana in his arms, like she was always meant to end up there. A part of him wanted this to be real, so real. Real enough that he could smell her hair and stroke her face. Real enough but in a dream reality so that they could both stay there forever, in suspended animation. Away from the pressures of politics of reality. Away from everything that didn’t matter._

_Her hair was all perfect but her face wasn’t done up. It was like she had stopped getting ready to come and be with him. No matter what the circumstances of the dream were, Merlin knew that she was the most perfect being in all of creation._

_He cupped her face in his hands and lifted her chin so that he could right into her face. If in a dream was the only time he would do this he wanted to kiss her and hold her and tell her that everything would be alright. But at the same time he knew that he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to kiss some fake Morgana that wasn’t real, even if this one could be his._

Merlin cried for real, a huge tear of absolute sorrow leaking out of his eyes. If only he knew that in another bedroom in another part of the castle Morgana was thinking, feeling and crying over the exact same thing.

*

Morgana didn’t know how she could take it anymore. She didn’t have tears to cry anymore. Her face was numb and crumpled with the pain. Life was cruel, unfair and in was standing in the way of her plans. She couldn’t believe the stupid rules of the kingdom, especially at that moment. Why couldn’t they be together?

She wanted to cry, just let her feelings out. Drain them out so that they may go away. Maybe it would be better that way?

                Morgana thought of all the possible options as she lay awake in the early hours of the day. She sat there for hours until the dull grey of morning began to show through her window. She didn’t know what to do as she sat with her head in her hands as Gwen came in to wake her up.

                Gwen didn’t say anything when she saw Morgana. She just came over, looked hesitant before going over to her bed and hugging her. Morgana didn’t care; if all the laws were being abolished in dreams why not scrap them in reality as well.

                “I know it’s ok. We’ll figure it out. We’ll work it out. If you want this than the three of us will work it out,” Gwen was comforting her with nonsense; there was no way that they would work this out. No way to get past Uther. No way to deceive him, no way to ignore his rule.

                “Gwen, it’s no use. There’s nothing we can do.” Morgana sobbed, her heart spilling out.

                “You don’t know that, you don’t know that yet.”

*

Merlin hesitated. He didn’t know whether he should talk or stay silent. What if it was just his imagination that she loved him back? He knew that being a warlock gave him a more acute sense of others but this was supposed love. This was a breed of magic that he hadn’t truly experienced yet.

                He wanted to tell someone, but he didn’t know who. He couldn’t tell Gaius, he wouldn’t understand. He hadn’t had to hide something like this before. Something as huge, life impacting and forbidden as this. He got dressed ridiculously slow, so slow that Gaius called on him a few times in the process. Once he was done he sat on his bed, thinking. The dream was going to kill him emotionally if he didn’t do something about it.

                Finally getting up and going down stairs he found that he didn’t have the stomach for anything. Being called off to work without any food or a second thought, Merlin thought afterwards that maybe he was more vulnerable. Without realising who he was talking to, he began to tell Arthur every detail of his dream except from one crucible name.

                “Have you ever had a dream about someone, and you knew you loved them but you knew you couldn’t tell them as there were certain rules in place. And you needed to do something about it or else you would burst, and there was nothing, NOTHING you could do about anything?”

                “Merlin, it’s ok.” Arthur said, confusing Merlin. “I already know that you love Gwen, it’s so obvious.”

                “Sire, you have it wrong, she’s like my sister. Forget it, you won’t be able to help.”

                “Is that a jibe against me? For that you can wash all of my socks, and once you’re done you can work on my armour. I hope that gives you sufficient time to concentrate on your own problems and not get me involved if you’re just going to insult me.”

                As Merlin walked out the room, hidden under a small mountain of clothing, he noticed Gwen running towards him. She looked scared, happy and relieved all at the same time, and that was just the little bit of her face that Merlin could see. Maybe she had some news for him that wouldn’t involve him cleaning all someone’s armour and underwear.


	4. Finally

“Merlin, Merlin. I’m so glad I found you. I need to talk to you urgently; it’s about the flower you gave me.”

                Merlin blushed as he felt the gaze of Arthur smirking through his door, listening in to the conversation. Lifting the bundle of clothes lower so he could actually free his mouth he replied, “I need to wash these socks but maybe you could tell me while I wash.”

                She nodded and walked speedily next to him as they went down to the laundry room. It was stuff, empty and desolate. Only a few people were told to come down, and no one other than servants really knew where it was.

                “I’m sorry that I rushed you down here. I could feel Arthur listening in and he thinks that I love you and…” With a look at Gwen Merlin knew he didn’t have to finish his sentence.

                “She finished the dream. Maybe I should explain a bit more but...”

                “I’ve had the exact same dream,” Merlin said, cutting her off mid-sentence.

                Gwen blinked her eyes, willing the tears not to fall. She knew this was what love was, hiding a secret thing when all you wanted to do was embrace the person. Maybe love was worth it and maybe it wasn’t but Gwen knew that when she found it, she wanted to find something like this. Impossible and yet so perfect.

                She reached out over the soapy bowl and hugged Merlin. She kissed him on the cheek, in a promise that she was going to help in any way that she was able.

                “The flower, does she like it?” Merlin asked after a few moments.

                “She worked it out. She knows it’s her and I think that’s why she realised that you love her. You do, don’t you? Merlin I know you and you don’t go looking for the most perfect flower just for anyone.”

                Merlin blushed again, his face flooding with emotion. He didn’t admit it but Gwen had read his heart like a book and this scared him a little. He smiled though, a wide and honest smile. Maybe Gwen knowing every single secret his heart had to hide (except THAT secret, in all fairness no one knew that secret and he never expected her to find out in anyway so everything was fine) made him feel better.

                “Gwen, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should do anything. We’re going to be here for years, well months maybe if I don’t get this done any faster. I don’t want to do anything in the fear I might make life awkward or weird. But I can’t just walk away and pretend that none of this ever happened. It has happened and it happened to us and that means something. I can’t leave Morgana. She needs something to show her how beautiful she is, face and soul. Even if nothing happens we’ll still have the fact that there could have been something. I don’t want to live a life of what ifs and I presume Morgana doesn’t either.”

                “Merlin, calm down. Maybe you should just talk it over with Morgana. I know that she’s as scared as you, even though she didn’t manage to put it into words. I’ve never seen her like this before, inconsolable and desperate. She needs you, and she really wants you. Just go to her, talk it over. Maybe the two of you would be able to come up with something if you just communicate. Go to her, now if you have to. I’ll finish the laundry; my job for the morning’s done now.” Gwen smiled right at Merlin and Merlin knew that the socks were in good hands. Leaving her to finish with Arthur’s clothes he left the laundry room and went to Morgana’s chambers.

                One step and he was certain and with the next he was petrified. All the way up to her room he felt the same, scared, sure, negative, and then positive. Merlin was only positive of one thing as he knocked on her door. Once he saw her, he would know exactly how she felt.

                She opened the door and ushered him in. She was bright and shiny, a breath of life that didn’t seem possible at times. Locking the door behind him, Morgana turned to face Merlin. She smiled at him and he smiled back, a little shaky and nervous. He knew what he had to do, the proper thing but he wasn’t sure he could break her heart when she looked like this. In the end, after staring at her for a few moments too long he didn’t have to.

                The next thing either of them knew, their lips had met and nothing mattered anymore.  Their dreams came true in that moment, in that infinite moment that was out of time.

                Morgana let all of her problems, worries and stresses melt away. She had never been able to truly let go of anything, until the moment when then the only thing real was the young man next to her. She wanted to disappear, escape into the wild, anywhere. She had never cared for the fancy dresses and being dolled up anyway. She just wanted to stay in this land, the land where she felt that she was the strongest, most in control, powerful girl.

                Merlin found out what Morgana’s hair felt like, and just how beautiful she was at such close quarters. He never wanted to leave this second, be frozen in time until all of existence ended. He wanted to stay with Morgana forever even though he knew that it just couldn’t be. This was going to be the first and the last time that this could happen. He wished that it wasn’t but because of who she was and who he was, it could never be. If she wasn’t Uther’s ward or if she had magic too then maybe it might be different. But this was it, and he had to end it now, before they couldn’t.

                “Morgana.” He stopped and rested his head against hers. They shouldn’t be doing this. It felt so right, but so wrong.

                “Please, just once. Merlin please. If it’s all we’ll ever get I want more to help me to get through. This is going to be hard enough without you deserting me too!” Without realising it Morgana was shouting at him. When Merlin backed away a little bit, Morgana shrunk like a mouse, almost collapsing to her knees but was caught by Merlin. She was half on the floor, half in his arms and she just stayed there, letting the tears roll out of her eyes and plopping onto the floor and Merlin.

                Placing her fully on her knees, Merlin got down to the same height. He embraced her and felt her relaxing in his arms. 

                “I’m sorry,” Morgana was away to start sobbing and Merlin realised.

                “I’m sorry too; just know that if you ever feel low, I’ll be somewhere feeling bad too.”

                Morgana looked right into his eyes and realised that this was it. She reached out her hands and took his hands. They were on the floor, holding hands, trying not to start something that would kill them inside to cut off.

*

When Gwen walked past to deliver the socks she was so happy inside to see them connected in ways she had never seen. They were just sitting on the floor, holding hands, kissing each other. Little was she to know the hurt that each kiss was being filled with, each kiss leading down to the last.


	5. Forgetting

Morgana had cried for months. She hated life and seeing him – well she didn’t know if it was helping or hindering the problems. They were acting as though absolutely nothing was going on. Well nothing was, so really they were pretending that nothing ever had.

                More months past and yet Morgana still smiled a strained smile, even when the time had come when a year passed. She thought of what could have been and whether it was really worth it. And in heart she knew the answer, it screamed in her face every morning when she woke up but yet she tried so hard to ignore it.

*

Merlin slaved, fetched, cleaning, organised, tidied, cleaning and slaved for years before anyone saw it. Morgana. There was something going on. She had been kidnapped for a year and then when she was found she went straight back into life at the castle normally.  Well not quite normally, normally she had smiles just for Merlin’s eyes, when the corridor was clear and they needed to be cheered up.

Not this time. She seemed changed, different since she came back. Merlin was suspicious and though his heart was pained to do so, he began to follow her to see what she was up to.

He cried inside when he realised just what she had become, corrupted, evil, and a threat to Camelot and to herself. He was going to drown of tears but if anyone saw only his face and not his heart they wouldn’t have suspected that anything was wrong.

He wanted to go to her, comfort her, help her, but she was different. She wasn’t Morgana anymore. She wasn’t the headstrong fiery girl that could be represented in one flower. She could be represented in the dying, darkened areas of the same flower he had shown her all those years ago. He was lost and didn’t know what to do.

When he told Gaius of his suspicions, it took all his restraint to stop him from biting his lip until the blood flowed out and Morgana had hurt yet another person. Merlin cried inwardly, too scared to show his real hurt in case of renewing something that had long been hidden away inside him.

*

As Morgana sneaked out to meet Morgause she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. She had come out this way time and time again but this time something was stopping her. A little voice inside her head repeating a name over and over again. She wanted to stab the voice until it shut up and never spoke the word to her again. She didn’t want to hide this feeling anymore and yet she knew she would be hiding it for the rest of her life.

                She stumbled through the forest and almost fell into her sister’s arms. Instead of plotting to kill and take over, for the first while they just sat. Morgana was half tempted to confess everything to Morgause and yet she held back. She didn’t want her knowing just how much this boy meant to her. Knowing Morgause she’d be told to kill him and Merlin was just a servant with no way of protecting himself against her.

                So instead she just held back and kept quiet, holding once more, the pain inside her.

*

Merlin had avoided telling Kilgarrah. He knew that the dragon could see every thought in his head, every secret in his heart and yet he didn’t say anything. Kilgarrah kept telling Merlin to kill Morgana as though he didn’t know. Or maybe, Merlin thought, he did know and was punishing him for either being so foolish or for not telling him. Either way, he knew that as soon as he saw her again, he would lose all and just not be able to kill her. He might even be possessed and yet not be able to kill her. He might be over-exaggerating but in his heart he knew that there was no way he could end her life.

Merlin hid his secrets well, Gwen pretended nothing had ever happened and Kilgarrah still pretended to be oblivious.  But although his secret was safe between friends, he knew that there was one person he wanted to know. And that one person could never know. Because no matter how hard that Merlin wished he could tell her again, there was laws and reality in the way. Morgana wasn’t his anymore, and never was in the first place.

*

Morgana was alone. More alone than she had felt in years. She could have ruled the world, been on top of everything, surrounded by followers and family. But Uther was against her now, Morgause was dead. Dead. Maybe she wished she was dead too, end the pain of people who hated her. Gwen, Arthur, Uther, Gaius, Merlin. Merlin. She couldn’t bear to think that he hated her too. The whole world could condemn her but if he hated her, even looked at her with pity in his eyes; well she didn’t know how she could bear it.

                If he so much as had one single thought against her Morgana didn’t know how she could bear it. He had loved her once, had she done the wrong thing? Had she taken her life and flushed it away? Had she lost the one thing that could have meant more to her than anything? Had she lost everything? Was she truly alone in a cruel world that hated her and wanted her dead?

*

                Here he was, as though nothing had happened. Threatening him so that her real emotions wouldn’t come across, Morgana felt a sense of… something. She didn’t know whether it was guilt, sorrow, repentance. Angry, hate, upset. She just knew that she owed it to her kin and to Morgause to do this. If it was the only way to get to Arthur then she would do it, even if she wasn’t sure that sentencing Merlin to death would be something she could do. Killing Arthur was crucial to her plan but if it would kill Merlin to do it, was it worth it?

                Watching him hang there, unconscious, Morgana thought of the hurt she had faced since that kiss. She wished at that moment to go back in time so that kiss would never have happened. The hurt was so much that she knew that she could do this. Without a second thought Morgana did what she had decided to do, ignoring the fact that she had once loved the young man in front of her.

*

‘I had given Aithusa to Morgana.’ As presents went Merlin didn’t think a baby dragon was all that bad. She had a friend, something Merlin knew Morgana had craved for years. He felt guilty for what he had done to Morgause, knowing that she was dear to Morgana. He needed to repay her in anyway. He had Kilgarrah and now Morgana had Aithusa. She had a friend. So why did Merlin still want to be with her? Why was Merlin telling himself that she still needed him when she had a dragon to take care of her?


	6. Future

Merlin didn’t know why he had to go. He didn’t know what he hoped to achieve by leaving to find her. She’d probably turn him away, or torture him. Was he really looking to tell her he still loved her after all these years? Was getting torture in increasing amounts of pain worth it just to see her face again?

                Merlin really wanted to say yes. Because if she slammed the door in his face or kicked him out then that would torture his heart. He had tried shutting all of the feelings out, and for the most part of years it had worked.

                That made Merlin think of the first time they had kissed. He had thought to himself that if she wasn’t Uther’s ward or if she had magic too then maybe they could work it out. Both those things had happened now but… Merlin shook his head. If he got carried away then the inevitable rejection would hurt even more than it was going to.

                He kept slouching through the forest, knowing exactly how to get to Morgana’s cave, even if she wasn’t there anymore. He kicked over a couple of stones as he walked further and further towards the murkiest parts of the forest.

*

Morgana had had enough! If she dreamed that dream, one more time she was going to burst. Why did her dreams taunt her in this way? Were they trying to get her to crack; break down in thousands of miserable tears?

                Suddenly, hoping that she had had a prophetic dream, she ran from her bed to the door and wrenched it wide open, almost ripping it out of the doorway.  It was silent. Not a single person was about in this part of the forest, not now and hardly ever. He wasn’t coming. Hanging her head Morgana reclosed the door and collapsed against it on the other side.

                She wiped her eyes ferociously, determined to not let the tears come. She had vowed to forget him, forget all that could have been and leave it. But now she was so absorbed in killing Arthur that Merlin would never come anywhere near her. She wasn’t good anymore, she was twisted and malicious. And no guy, no sorcerer no anybody would ever want to love someone so evil.

                Morgana need a friend. Someone she could hug and cry into. Someone who would help her or tell her that everything would be alright. She only had one, and although they couldn’t exactly hug, they could help her a little, it was time to be honest.

*

Merlin was so tired. He felt physically and emotionally drained. Clearly he wasn’t built for walking long distances while thinking over a lot of personal things. Things that needed as much attention as possible and couldn’t just be left to be handled by his brain while the rest of his efforts were focused on making sure he was on the right track. He zoomed forward in his head and saw that he was getting closer. He recognised the formation of trees, which was weird because he hadn’t come here before, well not keeping an eye on where he was at least.

                If he was going to have any strength left when he saw her again, he needed to rest. He found a little hole in the ground, big enough to conceal a person and tight and small enough that it should be quite warm and cosy. Merlin lowered himself down into the hole and curled up and fell asleep in moments.

_He hadn’t had a dream with this much mystery and fog in absolute years. There was a girl in a crowded room. She had messy hair, mud on her face and torn garments and yet she was still the most beautiful person in the room. He wanted to hug her, hold her and never let go of her but before he was a few paces closer towards her she was being tortured and hung up, and he was forced to clean a mountain of socks._

_Then Gwen turned up, dressed as regal as a Queen should be and even though she wasn’t a servant anymore she sat and cleaned the socks so he could escape. Merlin ran across the room, the other figures melting away as he gained on the small person, all chained up and sickly._

_He helped her up and nursed her. He never wanted to see her with so much a cough, let alone tortured and imprisoned for standing up for what she believed in._

_“I’ll never let you go again. Morgana, I love you.”_

Merlin woke with a jolt, narrowly missing banging his head when he sat up in the little cubbyhole. He did, he did love her truly. How could he have taken so many years to realise that he never wanted to be with anyone else for the rest of his life.

*

“Aithusa, I have to tell you something. When I was younger, many years before I met you, I could have loved someone. I really could have. But then my life truly started and now I don’t think he’d look twice at me. Have I really ruined my chance? I need him Aithusa. I need him to come here and hold me; I need a friend, someone I can really trust. Someone who’ll never leave me. I don’t just need anyone, I need him.”

                Aithusa had never seen Morgana like this. Crying her heart out, vulnerable in ways she had never seen on any being before; let alone the strong, confident Morgana.

“Morgana I need to know. Who is this man?”

Morgana bit her lip and whispered in such a tiny voice that Aithusa couldn’t hear. Aithusa stared at her until she said it again; shouting so loud that the nearby birds flew up like a gunshot.

“MERLIN! I love Merlin.”

Aithusa smiled which irritated Morgana. She had come for advice, not to be laughed at. “What’s so funny? I told you the truth and you’re busy laughing at me!”

“Morgana, you have answered your own problems.” Morgana looked stunned as Aithusa flew off, leaving her with the annoying little riddle which didn’t make any sense at all. How had she answered her own problem?

*

Merlin ran with a sudden new lease of energy towards the small hut. He knew within seconds of seeing the place that Morgana was there. There was an essence that she carried around with her and it seemed to be in the heart of the place itself.

At the door, he hesitated. He didn’t know whether to knock or what to do. What if he scared her if he started banging against the door? He didn’t want to start this by making her scared. Deciding he couldn’t wait any longer he knocked her door calling out her name as he did so.

Morgana heard her name being called and recognised the voice. Within she had matched the voice to the face and almost landed on her face in her excitement to get the door. She wrenched it open and stared into Merlin’s face not knowing what to do

“Morgana, I love you.” Merlin said simply, staring right into her eyes, making sure he got his point across. Morgana looked back and kissed him. He kissed her back, cradling her neck and holding her hair. It was as though all those years of crying and forgetting had never existed. There was then, and there was now and in the now, two people were about to become the happiest couple ever, hiding themselves from the world as they lived out the rest of their days in only the company of each other and a couple of dragons.


End file.
